Everything I Never Wanted

originally posted june 19th, 2017 – redirected

What a phrase, I myself as someone who struggled with gender identity and my sexual orientation for years have not once ever thought of marriage besides jokes about angry ex-wive’s/ex-husband’s. The thought for someone like me? Not real. I didn’t sit around dreaming of what I would wear or what I would do or even who I would be with.


Our wedding for everyone who doesn’t know us, was intimate. It included our close friends, and those who might not have been very close but have watched us grow. It was in a beautiful local garden, on May 22nd at a really intense 88* (we wanted a not rainy day so I guess that’s what we get?). I had two of my closest friends as my bridesmaids, Cody had two of his and then our siblings. Olivia walked down with Kassidy and Tim, and I held her in my arms during our vows.


Cody cried while he read his vows, both of us forgot to print them out and maybe the officiant called me the wrong name by accident (he called me Kendra because a few hours earlier he married a Kendra and Cody – go figure!), but it was beautiful. You held me tightly as I faced one of the harshest realities of my life, that maybe our family wouldn’t include everyone I thought and that’s okay


Olivia and her little friend danced and our friends were such good sports about the games. Everyone loved our children and the whole reception was a blur. Our first dance might have been to such a generic wedding song but it felt so unique to us. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe how beautiful I felt in the photos, how beautiful I felt next to him. It just blows me away. I had a dream wedding.


Marriage never seemed like something for me, but then again neither did you. Marriage was not about holy unity, it’s not about presents or bragging, it’s about celebrating our family. Thank you so much for changing my entire life.


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